"Cubicle monkey goes mad."

We’ve all been there, and some are there now.  Your career has become just a job.  You feel unfulfilled and uninspired, and you’re not sure what to do about it.

One man I recently met has thought of something to do about it.  Go on a bicycle ride.  A long one.  And by “long” I mean across the country.  But he’s not just doing it for himself — he’s also doing it for charity.

I met Dereck through his blog, I Will Not Die.  Dereck is an accountant who woke up one day and realized there has to be more to life than sitting in a cubicle performing the same tasks day after day.  So he decided to do something about it.

He is currently training for his cross-country bike ride, which is scheduled to begin a little over a month from now.  Dereck’s goal and the events that drove him to it intrigued me, so I contacted him and asked if he would mind answering a few questions.

Destination Unknown: You say your dissatisfaction with your accounting career led to your “going mad.”  Was there a time when you enjoyed accounting work?

Dereck: Absolutely. There was a period when I enjoyed this spectacular rise from the entry level position I came on board at, until sometime around a year ago. During that time, I had an enormous number of opportunities to challenge my environment and make improvements. Once the position became essentially a “production” position, my heart died.

DU: What made you get into accounting in the first place?

Dereck: After spending several thousands of years and billions of dollars trying to attain a degree in college, both of my parents passed away in the same year. Around that same time I started a family. I withdrew from school. I spent a long time trying to sort things out and an even longer time looking for a job. I worked in restaurant management for a couple years and couldn’t stand it. I eventually got hired on in a low level receivables position (posting cash) through a head-hunter. In other words, it was an accident.

DU: You say it was on a Friday when you finally decided to leave your cubicle for good.  Was there one event that was “the last straw” or had this been building for a long time?

Dereck: It had been building for some time. The pressure came from several directions. I’m about at the top. Even though I have about enough credit hours for a doctorate, I don’t have a completed degree. As far as accounting goes, I don’t have much to look forward to.

DU: Did you actually quit your job or are you just taking an extended leave of absence?

Dereck: I’m approaching it from a leave of absence perspective. Not because I want to go back, but as insurance. If I can’t find something I like better when I return, I still have my wife and children to think of first.

DU: Bloggers are often accused of being narcissitic, but do you find that blogging is more cathartic than attention-seeking?  I’ve met a lot of people who, like me, blog for themselves and not necessarily in hopes of gaining a mass audience.

Dereck: For me, the whole reason I started blogging was two-fold: writing down what I think is a way for me to clarify my thoughts (in that sense it’s cathartic); also, I know few enough people, locally, who subscribe to my passions that I hoped to find some friends.

DU: Are you surprised when you meet folks who feel the same way you do about being stuck in a cubicle?  Are you surprised by how many you’ve met?

Dereck: Yes and no. I’m surprised because for a while there, I thought I was a bit too singular. Then I met a lot of people. On the other hand though, I’m not because I kept saying this to myself, “damn, someone else has to be feeling this…” Sure enough, there is.

DU: What made you decide on a bike ride across the country as your means of escape?  Had you considered other ideas?

Dereck: I decided on a bike tour because I really wanted to have a destination. I could walk somewhere I guess, but that would mean a really, really long walk.

DU: Not to get into your personal finances, but do you worry about how you’re going to pay the bills and feed your family without your accounting job?

Dereck: Yes I do. In fact, if I’m unable to finance the venture safely, I may postpone it until I can.

DU: Did you prepare in advance for something like this, building a nest egg for the day you finally cracked?

Dereck: Hell no.

DU: Why was it so important that you turn your quest into something to help others?

Dereck: I think the first thing that occurred to me when I decided to go, was that it was fundamentally a selfish act. I wanted to leave because I was the one who was unhappy. I didn’t feel very good about that. I decided to turn it into the most positive thing possible. At the same time though, it’s not as fundamentally selfish as some people might think it is. My wife is often unhappy because she recognizes my own unhappiness, because she knows we need a new direction. If I can pull this off and go in a different direction in life, I think it will be a great thing for her and my children.

DU: What was your wife’s reaction when you told her your plan?

Dereck: 1) She grimaced. 2) She looked at our children.

After a few cries I think she thought it was amazing. I tell myself every time I see her puffy, pink little eyes that this is for the good.

No really. My wife is actually this completely amazing creature. I’m not fully convinced she’s human either. She had some initial concerns, most of which were regarding potential financial strain, but once she knew I would go only under certain conditions, she really liked the idea. She thinks it’s something remarkable, and I love her infinitely for that.

DU: What happens after the bike ride?

Dereck: I’m actually forcefully refusing to let myself answer that right now.

DU: Obviously not everyone can drop everything and take a trip across the country.  What are some smaller things you think people could do to “escape” or bring meaning to their lives?

Dereck: This was such a spontaneous idea for me that if you had asked me this question two months ago, I wouldn’t have come up with it. I think an escape like this that has the potential to bring meaning to someone’s life is such a personal event, that the truly best versions come from within. As much as I’d like to, I’m not convinced that I could actually come up with a meaningful idea for someone else.

DU: How do you think your journey will change you?

Dereck: Is there a word limit to this interview? I don’t want to get too smooshy here, but honestly, I’m not entirely certain that I ever fully healed after my parents died, especially my mother. I was largely responsible for her in her last months. Those months however, followed my father’s death. She had this short tragic window of hopeless spasms of life mixed with tears and right on the verge of my thinking I was about to help her turn the corner, help her finish her own dreams, she left us. That evaporated my soul. It was also the time period when I intellectually matured, which ironically is something that I view as my peak in life. The few years since then have been a strange mix of frustration and sweat on the one hand, and great joy (my wife and children) on the other. I hope this will shift the balance. Honestly, I almost feel like I have a score to settle. 2,300 miles of hard work in the wide open west with the prospect of helping as many children as possible along the way seemed like a good way to settle them.

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I’ll be following Dereck’s journey with great interest.

You can find out more about Dereck and his upcoming bike ride at IWillNotDie.com/cube.