I’m going to a business conference soon. You know the drill — lots of hobnobbing and networking, pocket-fulls of business cards exchanged, a few free pens and squishy toys, and lots of "Rah rah!" speakers (As opposed to an Egyptian history conference, which includes lots of "Ra! Ra!" speakers.).
The whole idea is to meet lots of people to share ideas with, and return to your business with new contacts and new tools for success.
And I suck at it.
When I went to the last such conference I spent four days in a hotel with thousands of other attendees, sat in on many seminars and classes, and met a total of one person. One. She didn’t even do the same type of work that I do, but she put me in touch with the person in her office who did. Hurray! A new professional contact!
He and I exchanged emails about twice last year and none since.
The problem is my shyness. Those who know me (or think they know me) would never guess it, but I’m incredibly introverted. I’m horrible at meeting new people. Once the ice is broken I’m comfortable and can hold my own in a conversation, but when it comes to breaking the ice I’m helpless. I always feel like the awkward goofball I was back in school — self-conscious and afraid to approach anyone new.
Whenever I’m in a social situation, be it a party or a business conference, I feel as if everyone there is one big group of friends and I’m the outsider. It’s irrational but completely debilitating.
So my M.O. at these functions is to take a book wherever I go. When I arrive at a seminar I sit down away from others, then take out the book and read until the seminar starts. In between classes I sit in the lobby and read or check email.
Part of me feels like I’m wasting the company’s money because I’m so bad at these functions. Oh, I get lots of valuable info from the classes, but the real value is in the networking, and I’ll probably be the only one there to return home with as many of his own business cards as he left with.
But at least I’ll have read a good book. In the corner.
My two biggest problems in networking are that I’m a control freak and just not comfortable in a situation unless I’m in complete control of it, and that I just don’t like people. I loathe pointless small talk, I’m not interested in other people’s lives (unless it’s one specific area) and I have no need to get into a pissing contest with people over whose job is the nicest/hardest/better paid, or who has the nicer business card.
I choose my friends and acquaintances very carefully, but everyone else in the world is just there to get in my way and make my life even more unbearable.
I understand your point about feeling like the outsider, though. I think that’s why I drank so much in my youth; all my friends were incredibly gregarious and had a large circle, when I got invited to parties or bars where there was nobody I knew, all there was to do was drink. I sure as hell didn’t want to know about the tough jobs, eggshell with gold embossed type business cards or amusing ringtones that a bunch of strangers had….
I hadn’t thought of that, but my hatred for the all-too-common chest-beating that goes on at these things is another reason why I stay in the corner.
I don’t like small talk either, but I understand the importance of it to get to a deeper, more “real” conversation. You almost have to test the waters. I’d say “Hey, great weather today, should be a nice weekend too” and then see what the response is. I’m not really interested in their thoughts on the weather, just the response which will give me a clue about how “real” they are going to be.
The last time I went to an over night conference I pretty much stayed to myself too. Everyone else was more interested in talking about how good the food was, or how drunk they were last year.
I think i’d suck at networking too. There would be people that I could tell I wouldn’t get along with and groups of people i’d feel uncomfortable approaching.
oh and your excellent name tag picture was negated by the terrible Egyptian History conference gag :-p